A Kerovan Mystery
by CrypticGirl
Summary: Jade and Jeice explore the planet KO35 and meet the mysterious JGang. According to them, the mortician Mr. Simms has been pulled straight to hell. But what dark secrets does the JGang hold? Concluded 05.22.07.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The characters herein do not belong to me, with the exception of Jenny.

A Kerovan Mystery  
-----------------------------  
_Dear...Reader?_

Damn, that's not a good salutation either. Judging from the position of the Rebels' Rack, it looks like they're about to explore the planet KO-35 next. The Rebels have actually been there before, and even then it had been deserted due to alien attacks.

_The general is Mr. Simms, a mortician with a dark secret. I hope the Rebels don't let their guard down when they face him. They're in for a big surprise for sure._

_These are the words of Canis Lupus._  
-----------------------  
Jade and Jeice were known as the Colorful Siblings. Even since Jeice left the Ginyu Force, he and his sister had gone on their own adventures. They haven't done so since they joined the Rebel Club. They were missing the old days.

Jade and Jeice were sitting in the bedroom reminiscing about their sibling adventures.

"Remember the time when we tied everyone's shoe laces together?" Jade asked.

"Yeah, that was cool," Jeice replied. "But remember when we put soap in the water fountain? That was the best!"

"I think that was a little too cruel."

"You know, I really miss our adventures."

"Me, too," Jade agreed. "You know, when we get to the next planet, we could ask Jenny if we could take on the general by ourselves."

"Why would she allow it?" Jeice asked.

"Well, if Jenny fights everyone by herself, surely she believes that we can, too," Jade replied.

"Sure, sounds good."

"Let's go to the bridge."

Lately, Jenny's main duty has been to sit on the bridge and wait for Beta's announcement. Quite boring, indeed.

Jade and Jeice entered the bridge to make their request.

"Jenny, we have a request," Jade said.

"Can Jade and I take on the next general by ourselves?" Jeice asked.

Jenny laughed. "Are you nuts?"

"Only about as nuts as you are," Jeice said. "You always take on tough foes by yourself, so why can't we?"

Jenny sighed. "Well, you got me. Okay, I'll send you guys after the next general, okay?"

"Deal!" the Colorful Siblings cried in unison.

Finally, Beta made the long-awaited announcement. "Attention: detecting faint energy readings from the planet ahead."

An image of a planet appeared on the monitor. It was grayish in color.

"You guys ready?" Jenny asked.

"As we'll ever be," Jade said.

"Then let's go!" Jeice cried.

So the Colorful Siblings teleported out of the Rebel Rack and reappeared on the planet's surface. The sky was of the night, and it was rather foggy. The leafless trees were rough and intimidating.

"Phew, it looks like a graveyard out here!" Jade cried.

"I don't think so," Jeice said. "If it was a graveyard, there would be tombstones everywhere."

"Okay, now how about that faint energy reading?" Jade asked.

Jeice pressed a button on his scouter, causing it to beep.

"The faint energy reading is coming from that way," he said, pointing to his right.

Jade and Jeice ran in that direction, trying to point down the energy signal source. Jeice paused abruptly.

"What is it?" Jade asked.

Jeice stared at four people through his scouter lens. The tiny lights in the lens formed a circle around them.

"The scouter says that the energy readings are coming from those people," Jeice said. "Let's check them out."

The siblings walked closer to the people to get a better look at them. The strange group consisted of three men and one woman. One of the men stood up and started walking towards the siblings.

"Uh-oh," Jade said as she and her brother stopped.

The first man detected their nervousness. "Hello," he said. "It's okay, you can approach us anytime. We're always open for new faces."

"Oh, that's good," Jade said. "We were just tracking down a faint energy source."

"And it's coming directly from you guys," Jeice added.

The man stroked his chin. "I don't know. Maybe it's just the life energy in our bodies."

"Could be," Jade agreed. "So, who are you people?"

The first man put his hand to his chest. "I'm James McCloud. And those are my friends over there: John Tanaka, Jack Levin, and Jody Summer."

James McCloud was your ordinary guy, probably around his thirties. He had short brown hair and a fit muscular body. He wore a black leather jacket with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and he wore white gloves to match. He wore a green suit underneath, complemented with smooth, shiny black boots. Finally, he wore sunglasses on his face. Why he'd wear sunglasses at night was anyone's guess.

John Tanaka appeared to be in his mid-twenties, with short black hair and a skinny body. He wore a white jumpsuit with a blue top, with blue gloves and boots. He wore a pair of headphones with an attached microphone.

Jack Levin was definitely the youngest of the group, appearing to be in his late teens. He had blonde hair and a skinny body. He wore a blue outfit with a jacket with his name printed on the right breast.

Lastly, Jody Summer appeared to be in her twenties, and she had long brown hair and a very athletic body. She wore a white jumpsuit with a pink top.

"We call ourselves the J-Gang because all of our names start with 'J'," James continued. "In order for others to join, their names must start with 'J' also."

"Yeah, ours do," Jade said. "I'm Jade, and this is my brother Jeice."

"All right, new members!" Jack cried as he and the others stood up.

"Not so fast," Jeice said. "We already have a team."

"We're just here to defeat the evil general," Jade added. "Wait, what planet is this? And who is the general here?"

"This is planet KO-35," James told her. "I don't know of any general."

Jack laughed. "These blind bats have no idea what they're going after..."

"Shut up, Jack," Jody said flatly. "You've been here all this time, and you don't have a clue either.

"Okay, fine," Jack grumbled. "But I will tell you this, though..."

"Oh no, not the Mr. Simms story again!" Jody whined.

"Yeah, you've told us at least a zillion times!" John added.

"But our new friends may not have heard the tale," James told them. "Go ahead, Jack."

Jack cleared his throat. "Mr. Simms is a freaky mortician that lives on this planet. He's not exactly your average funeral home owner. Legend has it that he got carried away in his demonology study. One stormy night, he spoke an ancient incantation...one that was said to conjure up the Devil himself."

Suddenly, a thunderclap hit the sky, startling the siblings. However, it didn't seem to bother Jack at all. He continued his story with a maniacal grin on his face.

"Then all of a sudden, the Devil snatched Mr. Simms and dragged him down to the pits of hell, where he'll burn for all eternity!" He let out a roar of laughter. When he calmed down, he spoke again.

"Everyone thought that was the end of Mr. Simms. But everyone was wrong. To this day, Mr. Simms remains in the morgue, playing his organ, which can be heard from outside. Those who've seen him claim that he can transform into a giant demon." Jack sighed. "There, I'm done. Happy now?"

"Yes, very happy," Jody confessed.

Jade and Jeice could only stare, eyes wide open.

"That's not really true, is it?" Jeice asked.

Jack shrugged. "Don't know, but I'm not going up there to find out."

"Sounds like Jack is just a big chicken," John said.

"Not if you are," Jack responded.

"The story is baloney anyway," Jody said. "There's no such things as demons."

"Oh, I beg to differ!" Jeice cried.

"We've been fighting demons for months," Jade added. "Our friends have been fighting them even longer."

"So how could you say that demons don't exist?" John said to Jody. "Just look at this place!"

"Ever since evil conquered the universe, KO-35 has been dark," James said.

"Hell, this is hell right here," Jack said. "Hello, welcome to hell; may I take your order? How do you like your brains, fried or scrambled? Yuk, yuk, yuk!"

"Very funny, Jack," Jody grumbled

"Never mind him," James told the siblings. "Jack loves to make jokes, especially when he meets new friends."

Jeice shot him a look. "Isn't it a little dark to be wearing sunglasses?"

"James never takes off his sunglasses," John replied.

"I just can't be seen without them," James told them.

"But can't you see anything?" Jade asked.

"I see everything."

"James is even more blind than a bat," Jack said. "Even the night sky is too bright for him! Yuk, yuk, yuk!"

"Ha ha! Good one, Jack!" John cried.

"Well, we'd better get going if we're going to complete our mission," Jeice said.

"Aw, I was just having fun," Jade whined.

"We're not here to have fun, sis," Jeice reminded her.

"Well, good luck on your mission," James said. "Sorry we couldn't be of any assistance."

"That's okay," Jade said. "That Mr. Simms story was helpful enough."

"You're welcome!" Jack called.

"Maybe we'll come back later," Jeice said.

"Nice meeting you!" Jade called as the Colorful Siblings walked off.

Meanwhile, Spinal decided to check out the strange planet for himself. Upon his arrival, Spinal noticed something.

"Why does this planet look familiar?" he wondered.

Before he could think about what made the planet so familiar, Spinal heard some strange music. It sounded like...organ music. It came from the morgue at Spinal's left. A long sidewalk path led to it. Defeated by curiosity, Spinal began trudging down the path, stopping at the morgue entrance. He read the large sign posted outside.

MR. SIMMS FUNERAL HOME

Strangely enough, the door was slightly ajar.

"Oooh...I know I shouldn't," Spinal told himself.

But he couldn't help it. Spinal gently pushed the door open, making a loud creak. Quietly, the skeleton warrior stepped inside. It looked like an ordinary funeral home, with the red carpet on the floor, stained-glass windows embedded in the walls, and flower bouquets here and there. Spinal crept down the hall and peered around the door to the left. There was a dark-skinned man playing the organ he had black and gray hair, which curled upwards. He wore a find black suit with a white rose in his lapel. He didn't appear to notice that Spinal was there, much to the little guy's relief.

"That guy must be Mr. Simms," Spinal thought.

He took a hop across the doorway to avoid being spotted. He walked further down the hall, eventually making a right hand turn. Inside the room was sort of cremation chamber. Body cabinets were set up by the wall.

"So this is what happens to dead people nowadays?" he thought.

Instead of searching for the general, Jade and Jeice went into a random building to talk things over. The building was completely abandoned, so it was empty and had no decorations, except for tons of dust.

"So, where do we go from here, big brother?" Jade asked.

"I'm not sure," Jeice said. "There's something fishy about those J-Gang people."

"What's so fishy about them? They seem nice enough to me," Jade said. "They might even be good candidates for Rebel Club membership."

"Absolutely not!" Jeice exclaimed. "Sure, they may seem nice enough, but remember what Canis Lupus said. The universe is very deceptive. Nothing is as it seems."

"Oh, so you're suspicious of those people just because of what Canis said? I just can't believe you, Jeice."

"Just think about it, Jade. Don't you think that Jack seems a little too funny? Don't you think that James seems a little too friendly? I don't even know what to say about Jody and John. In fact, they might be the generals that we have to defeat. Jack probably told us that Mr. Simms story to throw us off."

Jade sighed. "Okay, I see your point. But what are we supposed to do? We have no evidence against them."

"I think we'll pay them another visit," Jeice said. "We'll see if we can fish out any more info from them."

"While we're at it, I'd like to get to the bottom of this Mr. Simms thing," Jade said.

The Colorful Siblings left the empty building to pay another visit to the J-Gang.

Spinal walked deeper into the cremation room. He opened the cremation vault, where ashes covered everything. He reached inside and picked up...a skull! With a shriek, Spinal dropped it and quickly closed the vault.

"Wait a minute," he thought. "Why am I afraid of a skull?"

Without bothering to pursue the answer, Spinal walked over to the body bins and pressed a button on one of them. A body cabinet opened up, and Spinal pulled out an antique jar. Spinal opened it and poured out some ashes. Then he put the jar back into the cabinet (which was only about the size of an office drawer) and closed it. He sighed wearily, then noticed something.

The organ had stopped playing.

Spinal tried to keep himself from getting scared. "Oh well, no one can play the organ 24-7. So dead people are cremated and the ashes are put in jars, which are put in body cabinets."

He opened a few more body cabinets to see different jars. As he explored the cremation room, a voice spoke.

"Can I help you?"

Spinal spun around to see the freaky old man standing in the doorway, a cigar held lightly in his hand. Spinal felt a cold chill racing down his spine.

"My name is Mr. Simms," the man said in a dry voice.

He stepped into the room, and Spinal moved back, trying to stay as far away from him as possible.

"I...I wasn't doing anything," the skeleton warrior stammered.

"Of course you weren't," Mr. Simms said, almost in a whisper. "You were just...exploring."

"Uh...yeah."

The freaky old man smiled, revealing a small gap between his two front teeth. "Since you're so curious, I can give you a tour of the morgue. Unless, of course...you're scared."

"Yeah, I'm scared," Spinal said. The last thing he needed was a tour guide from an old freak.

Mr. Simms inhaled his cigar, then exhaled the smoke. "I'll show you what you should really be scared of."

He grinned as a long fork tongue slithered out between his teeth. Spinal wasn't about to stick around for the rest. Screaming, he ran from the morgue.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

In the meantime, Jade and Jeice approached the J-Gang once again. This time, they were sitting around a bonfire roasting marshmallows.

"Hey, look who's back!" John called.

"You beat the general already?" James asked. "Wow, you are warriors."

"No, we haven't found the general yet," Jeice said. "It's just that we...well..."

"You want to know more about us," James finished for him.

Jeice shot him a suspicious look. "Yeah..."

"Well then!" Jack called. "Sit; you must be tired after your long, vigorous search."

The Colorful Siblings sat by the fire. Jack picked up a skewer with a marshmallow stuck to the end and held it towards Jeice.

"How about a mellow, yellow?"

"Sure." Jeice took the marshmallow and began nibbling at it.

"You know, Jody gives new meaning to the phrase 'Been there, done that'," Jack said. "Tell 'em, Jody."

Jody sighed. "Well, when I was fourteen, I competed in the dodecathelon at the Galactic Games."

"Really?" Jade asked.

"I was up against men and women twice my age, and I placed fourth," Jody said.

"Wow, that's pretty good, considering your age," James said.

"Then when I was sixteen, I was the third person to ski across the Delaney Plateau on Europa Prime," Jody continued.

"Wow, skiing is a rough sport," Jeice said.

"Then when I was eighteen, I was the second person to climb the Olympus Mons on Mars, which is the highest mountain in the solar system!"

"Wow, that's great!" Jade said.

"No, that's not good," Jody told her. "All my life, my only dream was to be the first to do something. I feel like all my past accomplishments were just a waste of energy."

"Don't you think that these sports are a bit dangerous?" Jeice asked.

"Hey, this is the year 5000," Jack said. "Dangerous is the only way to play."

"Oh yeah, I forgot."

"How can you forget what year it is?" John asked.

"Well, we were frozen for 3000 years," Jeice said.

"So our minds are still in the past," Jade added.

James appeared to be pondering. "I see how this place can look scary to an...out-of-towner."

"So, as the J-Gang, what do you guys do?" Jeice asked.

"Nothing, really," James replied. "We just hang out."

"Yeah." Jack leaped up and grabbed the branch of a tree. "Look at me, I'm hanging out! Yuk, yuk, yuk!"

"Jack, come down from there!" Jody ordered.

"Bah!" Jack dropped down from the tree. "You're such a spoilsport, you know that?"

"Was there ever any doubt?"

"So, you like it that way, huh?" John asked. "I always liked you this way."

Jody slapped him. "Get away, you sick bastard!"

"Ha ha! Johnny can't be a loverboy!" Jack sang. "Ha ha!"

"Maybe not," John admitted. "But the challenge only makes me like her even more."

Suddenly, the siblings heard a familiar voice screaming. Spinal rushed over to them, gasping. He couldn't even gather enough wits to speak, so he hopped up and down, blubbering.

"What's wrong, Spinal?" Jade asked.

Spinal kept blubbering, pointing somewhere behind him.

"What the hell is his problem?" John asked.

"He probably got so scared that he jumped right out of his skin!" Jack suggested. "Yuk, yuk, yuk!"

The J-Gang cracked up.

In a puff of smoke, Spinal used his morphing ability to turn into a giant cobra. Jade and Jeice were thoroughly confused. Spinal held that form for a few seconds before returning to his original skeleton form in another puff of smoke.

"A snake?" Jade asked.

"I'll tell you what," Jeice said. "If you leave them alone, they'll leave you alone."

"Hey Spinal, come meet some friends of ours!" Jade said.

"Yeah," Jeice added. "Guys, this is...guys?"

The siblings turned to see that the J-Gang members were...gone. All four of them. Even the bonfire was gone. There was no smoke, no ashes, nothing. It was as if the fire had never been built.

"Where'd they go?" Jade asked.

"I don't know," Jeice said. "They were right here a second ago."

Spinal had calmed down enough to speak. "Who?"

"There were some people," Jade said. "Didn't you see them at all?"

Spinal shook his head. "No. Who were you talking about?"

Jeice pondered for a moment. "Let's see...there was James McCloud, John Tanaka, Jack Levin, and Jody Summer. James said that this was planet KO-35."

"KO-35!?" Spinal gasped. "I thought this place looked familiar!"

"You've been here before?" Jeice asked.

"Yeah, this was Andros and Zhane's home planet. Even back then it was abandoned. But this place looks creepier than ever."

"Kinda looks like a graveyard, don't it?" Jade asked.

"It does not look like a graveyard!" Jeice insisted.

"Think whatever you want; I'm going back to the ship!" Spinal pressed on his ring and teleported out.

Just then, Jeice's scouter began to beep. Jeice pressed a button, then heard Jenny's voice.

"Hey Jeice, any luck?" she asked.

"No, we haven't found the general yet," Jeice replied.

"Well, what did the sign say?"

"What sign?"

"There's supposed to be a sign on every planet telling its name and its general," Jenny said. "Remember?"

"Oh...well, we'll keep looking for it. Jeice out." Jeice pressed the button again, closing the channel, then pressed it again. "For now, we'll track down those people again."

He looked around, following the scouter's signals.

"Where do you get those things, anyway?" Jade asked.

"Nowadays, I don't know," Jeice said. "This way."

They ran to their left, hoping to find the J-Gang again. This time, they were hanging out under a tree.

"Guys, what's up?" Jade asked. "Where'd you disappear to?"

"Well, we disappeared to right here," Jack said.

"We were trying to introduce you to our friend!" Jeice whined. "Do you have any idea how stupid we felt!?"

"Oh, we're sorry," James said.

"No offense, Jeice, but I'm not a very big fan of skeletons," Jody added.

"Oh, never mind," Jade said. "We have a request."

"We do?" Jeice asked.

"Shoot," James said.

"Jack, tell us more about Mr. Simms," Jade said.

Jack shrugged. "There's nothing more to tell, really. He was taken to hell and brought back as a demon; ba-da-boom, ba-da-bing."

"We want to get to the bottom of the Mr. Simms story," Jade said.

"What? Are you nuts!" Jack cried.

"Oh, grow up, Jack," John said.

"I think it's a reasonable request," James said. "Just think, Jack; you've told the story a zillion times, and you don't want to see if it's true or not?"

"Hmm..." Jody thought for a moment. "Maybe I'll be the first to find out."

"Then it's a deal!" James declared. "We'll all go to the morgue together."

"All right, but once Mr. Simms stops playing that organ, I'm out," Jack said.  
---------------------  
Spinal walked onto the Rebel Rack bridge. Jenny was there relaxing, waiting for the report from the Colorful Siblings.

"Hey Spinal, what's up?" she asked.

"Nothing. I took a little walk on the planet myself," Spinal replied.

"Really? Did you find anything?"

"Just a creepy old geek in a funeral home."

Spinal didn't bother to tell her the creepy thing about Mr. Simms.

"So you have no idea who the general is either, huh?" Jenny asked.

"That's right," Spinal told her. "Would you believe that that's planet KO-35?"

Jenny laughed. "No, I wouldn't." She looked at the planet through the monitor. "Are you sure?"

"Well, that's what Jade and Jeice said. They said they met some people down there."

"They don't actually trust those people, do they?"

"I think they do," Spinal said. "I don't know; I never saw the people myself. Besides, Jade and Jeice can take care of themselves, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Jenny replied. "They'll be okay."  
---------------------------  
Meanwhile, the Colorful Siblings arrived at the Simms' Funeral Home with the J-Gang. Just as Jack's story claimed, they heard the organ playing from inside.

"See, there's the organ," Jack said. "There's your proof; now let's get outta here."

"Jack!" John cried. "You're such a wuss!"

"Yeah, how could anyone hang out with...such a...wuss!?" Jody added.

"Calm down, everyone," James said. "Just because a man plays an organ doesn't make him a demon from hell. We'll have to go inside and look for more clues."

"Who's afraid of a creepy old geek, anyway?" Jade asked.

"Come on, let's just get this over with," Jeice suggested. "We'll find out the truth and get outta here."

"You don't know what you're getting yourselves into," Jack said.

"Jack, whatever happened to 'Dangerous is the only way to play?'" James asked.

Jack sighed. "Okay, okay; you talked me into it. Let's go."

They walked to the entrance of the funeral home and slowly pushed the door open, making that same creaking noise.

"Oooh, shut up, you stupid door!" Jody whispered.

The gang stepped inside and peered into the main room where Mr. Simms was playing the organ.

"There he is," Jack said. "The creepy old geek himself."

"That's Mr. Simms?" Jade asked. "Freaky."

"We have to get his attention," Jeice said. "It's the only way to see if he's really a demon."

"That's it!" Jack said. "This time you've gone too far!"

Suddenly, Mr. Simms stopped playing the organ.

"Nice going, Jack," John said. "You tipped him off!"

"This way," James instructed.

"Hey, wait!" Jeice cried. "James!"

The J-Gang ran down the hall and turned into the cremation room. Jade and Jeice ran after them, but upon their arrival in the cremation room, the J-Gang was gone again.

"Oh, not again!" Jade cried. "How do they do it?"

"Maybe they have teleportation, too," Jeice suggested.

"But why would they just disappear on us like that?"

"I don't know. I guess they're really afraid of Mr. Simms."

"Boo!" a voice called from behind.

The Colorful Siblings gasped and spun around to see the freaky mortician himself standing in the doorway. He stepped into the room.

"What are you doing here?" he asked in a low voice.

"We...we were just exploring," Jeice stammered.

"In a funeral home? Just the two of you?" Mr. Simms asked.

The siblings backed up against the body bins.

"No...with our friends," Jade replied. "Jack Levin...Jody Summer...John Tanaka...James McCloud..."

"Hmm. Nice try, but you can't fool this old man," Mr. Simms said. "All those people are dead and cremated. Look behind you and see for yourselves."

Jade and Jeice exchanged confused glances, then slowly turned to look at the body bin behind them. What they saw carved into it had their hearts beating rapidly.

In Loving Memory  
Of  
James McCloud

"Well, I'll be damned..." Jeice muttered as he looked at the body bin right next to James.

In Loving Memory  
Of  
Jack Levin

"I don't believe this!" Jade exclaimed as she looked at the body bin to the left of James. "What is going on here?"

Rest In Peace  
Jody Summer

And the bin to the left of Jody's was none other than the final J-Gang member.

In Loving Memory  
Of  
John Tanaka

"What's wrong?" Mr. Simms asked flatly. "You look like you saw a ghost."

Jade and Jeice turned back to him slowly. Mr. Simms stepped towards the body bins, and the siblings moved out of his way, stepping to the other side of the room. Mr. Simms pressed a button, opening James' body cabinet, and pulled out the jar inside. He opened the bottle and poured a few ashes onto his hand.

"See...this...is all the remains of James McCloud," he said.

"Uh...we'll be leaving now," Jade said.

"Good idea," Jeice agreed.

The Colorful Siblings ran out of the room, down the hall, and out of the morgue.

"Man...now I'm really confused!" Jeice exclaimed.

Jade shot him a look. "See, I told you this place was a graveyard!"

"Oh shut up, sis. If those people were dead the whole time...then who the hell were we just talking to?"

"Jeice..."

"What is it!?" Jeice snapped.

"Maybe we should get the others after all," Jade told him. "I don't think we should take out Mr. Simms by ourselves."

"Yeah...you're right," Jeice agreed. "Let's go tell the others."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The Rebels walked up to the mortuary, stopping at the front door. With a deep breath, Jenny knocked on the door.

"Oh well, he's not here," Spinal said immediately. "What a shame. I guess we'll get the hell out of here now."

He turned and started to leave, but Fulgore grabbed him by the headband.

"We're not going anywhere, shorty."

"I still can't believe this," Jade whispered to Jeice. "If the J-Gang has been dead the whole time, do you think the story they told about Mr. Simms is true?"

"I don't know," Jeice replied. "But I wouldn't rule it out. Black Shadow wouldn't assign any old man to be a general. There must be more to Simms than meets the eye."

"Well, I guess you have a point."

Jenny knocked on the door again. "Hello! Anybody home?"

They waited patiently for another moment, but still nothing happened.

"Oh, this is ridiculous," Pico growled. "Let's just barge in and kill that bastard!"

"I have to agree with him," Fulgore said. "We can't just politely knock on the door and say, 'Hey, we're going to kill you.'"

Jenny rolled her eyes and scoffed as she performed the "shave-and-a-haircut" knock. Suddenly, the blinds within the door glass flew up, revealing the face of Mr. Simms with his twisted smile. The Rebels gasped, jumping back with a start.

"I've been waiting for you all," Simms said, as he opened the door and stepped aside. "Won't you come in?"

The Rebels exchanged confused glances as they carefully entered the building. Mr. Simms turned and walked into the main room, down the red aisle carpet with brown oak benches on either side. The Rebels followed cautiously.

"So...you're Mr. Simms, right?" Jenny asked.

"That's right," Simms replied in a low, dry voice. "Did you want something?"

"You're the general here, right? You rule this planet on Black Shadow's behalf?"

Simms smiled. "Why, yes."

Jenny's eyes widened. "Wow..."

"We weren't expecting Black Shadow to choose an old man who only has a

few years of life remaining at best," Yamcha said.

"So how may I help you?" Mr. Simms asked. "Surely you wouldn't visit one of Black Shadow's generals for nothing, would you?"

"He actually wants to help us?" Yamcha whispered to Fulgore.

"Actually...we came here to challenge you," Jenny said.

"Or simply killing you will be good enough." Pico shoved his way through the group. "So die."

Pressing the barrel of his handgun to Simms' forehead, Pico pulled the trigger. The Rebels jumped with a start as the blast pierced their ears. The blood splattered on the wall behind Mr. Simms as his body instantly hit the floor with a thud.

"There, let's move on to the next general." Pico turned and walked through the crowd again.

When Jenny recovered from the shock, she rolled her eyes with an exasperated sigh. "Stupid..."

"You blood-spilling beast!" Hallie scolded as Pico walked by.

The Rebels shrugged as they started to leave as well.

"Heh heh...nice shot," a voice said from behind them.

The Rebels paused upon hearing the voice. Turning around, they saw Mr. Simms on his feet again. The bullet hole in his forehead was still quite visible as the blood trickled down in between his eyes.

"Surprised?" he asked with a grin.

Jenny looked at him sideways. "Not really. We know that Black Shadow's generals couldn't be finished that easily."

"Well then, I accept your challenge. But first I'll bring you...straight to hell!"

Suddenly, flames began to erupt from the corners of the walls and ceiling. When the ceiling made a creaking noise, Jenny looked up.

"Uh...guys?" she called nervously.

Everyone looked up, realizing the same thing. They all raised their arms, blasting the ceiling away with their ki. The walls then fell apart, and the Rebels gasped at the horrifying sight.

The entire mortuary burned up in flames as the Rebels looked around in their new fiery setting. The ground resembled black lava rocks with the red glow illuminating underneath, with flame bursts erupting from random points.

"Is this...hell?" Hallie asked.

"Oh hell..." Yamcha grumbled.

"Hey, where'd Mr. Simms go?" Fulgore asked.

"He ran away, because he was afraid of me," Vegeta growled.

Jenny rolled her eyes. "Not bloody likely..."

"So if Mr. Simms is gone, shouldn't we look for a way out of here?" Hallie asked.

"He's gotta be around here somewhere," Jeice said. "We have to defeat him."

"That's right," Jade added. "We can't leave until he's defeated."

"What's with you two all of a sudden?" Yamcha asked. "You make it sound like a personal obligation."

"Well...maybe it is," Jeice said. "Jenny, please."

Jenny shrugged. "Well, I never had any intention of backing out, so all right. We'll take him out together."

"This time we'll make sure he's dead," Pico said.

"You just love to kill people, don't you?" Fulgore scoffed.

"I'm an assassin. It's my job and my nature."

"Sure..."

"Come on, you guys," Jenny said. "Let's look around and see if we can find Simms."

The group nodded and proceeded to walk across the burning ground. As they moved cautiously, the flames continued to burst from the ground at random points.

"Damn, it's hot in here!" Yamcha cried.

"Personally, I don't mind the heat," Pico said.

"You just like to whine, don't you?" Vegeta asked.

"No, I just like to make conversation," Yamcha replied.

Suddenly, a flame burst out from the ground ahead, propelling a man into the air. Completely engulfed by the flames, the man hit the ground screaming. He immediately scrambled to his feet and ran towards the Rebels, who quickly parted for him. The Rebels watched in disbelief as the man ran past them.

"Whatever happened to 'Stop, drop, and roll'?" Yamcha asked.

The Rebels shook their heads.

"That...is that Jack?" Jeice asked.

"It sure looked like him," Jade said.

"Jack!" The siblings began to chase after the flaming man.

"Jeice!" Jenny called after them, then briefly glanced at the other Rebels. "Come on!"

The Rebels continued to chase the flaming man, with Jade and Jeice in the lead.

"Jack, wait up!" Jeice called.

"We want to help you!" Jade cried.

"Ahh!" Jack continued to scream as he ran through a black castle door and into a corridor.

"Do they know this guy?" Yamcha huffed as he sprinted with the rest of the group.

"I...have no idea," Jenny replied in between heavy breaths.

Jade and Jeice followed the flaming man through another door. Before the Rebels could reach it, the heavy steel door suddenly slammed down, and the Rebels crashed into it.

Jade spun around as the door slammed shut behind her. "Jeice, the door!"

"It's a trap!" Jeice realized.

He tried to kick the door, even though it was completely futile. Suddenly, a group of orange glowing rock creatures emerged from the ground, grabbing both siblings. Jade and Jeice both screamed in agony as the grip ate through their skin like molten lava.

"Put him on the table..." a voice ordered.

Jeice gasped. "Simms?"

The rock creatures lifted him up and placed him onto the steel altar, holding him down firmly. Meanwhile, Jade continued to scream as she struggled against the creature restraining her.

Mr. Simms appeared again, standing in between the creatures that restrained Jeice on the altar.

"You..." Jeice growled. "The J-Gang said that you...were dragged to hell by Satan himself. Why!?"

"To obtain supreme power..." Simms replied. "All these years as a mortician, I've always enjoyed scaring people. So I made a pact with the devil."

Jade paused in the monsters' grip, gasping at the story. "Wh...what?"

"You sold your soul to the devil for the sake of scaring people!?" Jeice growled. "That's totally insane!"

---------------

Just outside the room, the other Rebels were looking for a way to open the door. Their actions ranged from examining the door itself to searching for a nearby switch.

"Damn it, there's no way in!" Yamcha said.

Jenny pounded on the door. "There has to be a way!"

"Jade and Jeice are still in there," Arbin said. "We can't leave them."

"Move out of the way, you idiots!" Vegeta growled.

The Rebels looked back at him and gladly moved aside. Vegeta aimed his palm at the door, gathering his blue energy. He then fired a massive energy blast, hitting the door head on. When the door was completely unfazed, Vegeta stopped and growled.

"Nice, Vegeta," Pico said.

"Oh shut up!" Vegeta snapped. "Let's see your guns do any better!"

"Unlike you, I'm smart enough not to waste my ammo like that."

"That's enough, you guys!" Jenny said.

Fulgore looked at the door carefully. "It looks like there's only one way to open this."

Digging his fingers under the door, the cyborg began straining to lift it open. "Ugh...a little help, please?"

"Let me help." Bio Rex joined Fulgore at the door. Together they slowly lifted the door, letting the others squeeze past them.

"Jeice!" Jenny cried out as she spotted the former Ginyu Force member restrained on the table.

"Huh?" Jeice looked up for a brief moment. Then, with a loud scream, he unleashed a surge of power from his body, instantly disinitegrating the lava rock creatures that restrained him. He then sprang his body off the table and cringed in pain. "Argh!"

Jade raised her right arm, ramming her elbow into the creature's head behind her. The creature's head crumbled, and the body fell to the floor, releasing Jade, who then held her elbow in pain.

"Jeice, what happened?" Jenny asked.

Jeice straightened himself, revealing his charred body. "Those creatures...they burn you when they touch you."

"Jeice!" Jade rejoined the group. "Mr. Simms is gone again!"

Jeice looked again to see that the mortician was nowhere in sight. "Damn it!"

Jenny let out an exasperated sigh. "Come on..."

The Rebels walked through the back door, out onto another bed of hard, glowing lava rocks. Only not, it felt hotter than before, tne the Rebels could feel their feet burning from the rocks.

"Oh damn..." Yamcha groaned. "It's so hot in here, I can hardly breathe!"

"My feet are starting to burn, sis," Hallie said.

"Mine, too," Jenny responded. "We can't survive in here too long. We'd better defeat Simms before this heat kills us."

"This place is awful," Arbin said. "I feel like I'm going to spontaneously combust."

"Look, there he is again!" Jade cried, pointing at where Mr. Simms stood straight ahead.

"You're not getting away!" Jeice yelled.

The Rebels began charging at the mortician, but before they could reach him, another band of the lava creatures emerged from the ground. The Rebels brought themselves to a screeching halt.

Without warning, the creatures moved in to attack. Jenny stepped back as one of the creatures lashed at her with a punching combo, its fists flaming with each punch. Moving quickly to dodge the attacks, Jenny avoided her first instinct to block. However, a wide hook from the monster forced Jenny to block the attack. She screamed as the contact burned her arm. Bearing the pain, Jenny thrust her palm into the monster's chest, sending it flying backwards.

"Ow!" she cried out, looking at her burned palm.

"Sis, what happened?" Hallie asked.

"Jeice wasn't kidding," Jenny told her. "Those things will burn you if you touch them."

"Then let's blast 'em!"

"Ah, good idea."

Two more creatures appeared on either side of them. Moving back to back, the sisters fired their energy blasts from their palms, blasting the creatures to pieces.

The other Rebels began to follow suit, blasting the lava monsters with their ki. As a cyborg, Fulgore was immune to the burns, so he continued to fight up close. Pico resorted to using his shotgun to strike the creatures, while Spinal used his sword and shield.

"Jade!" Jeice motioned for his sister to follow him as he began to hover into the air.

Jade hovered in front of her brother. "What is it, Jeice?"

"When I was in the Ginyu Force, Burter and I used to combine our powers for a move that we called the Purple Spiral Flash Attack."

Jade nodded. "Okay."

"I want to try performing the move with you," Jeice added.

"Okay, how do we do it?"

"We fly in circles at a blazing speed, blasting the enemies."

"Hmm...I'm not sure I understand, but let's try it."

The siblings flew in fast circles, creating a glowing purple spiral between them. However, nothing came out from the spiral. Jeice suddenly came to a screeching halt, and Jade crashed into him. The impact had them both falling from the air, crashing onto the ground. Vegeta walked over to them, standing over them condescendingly.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked.

Jeice looked up. "Uh...the Purple Spiral Flash Attack?"

"Don't be absurd! That move never worked for anything!"

Jeice stood up. "Oh shut up! We'll make it work!"

Jade picked herself up as well. "Jeice, what happened? The attack didn't work! Why?"

"It's been a long time since I've done it," Jeice said. "There's something missing. It'll come back to me, but I need some time to think."

"Well, you'd better think fast! We don't know how much longer we can last in here!"

The Rebels each fired one more energy shot, destroying the remaining lava creatures. Then they regrouped to face Mr. Simms.

"Well, still alive, I see," he said, seemingly amused. "That's all right...for the longer you live, the longer you suffer."

In the middle of the heat, Jenny felt a cold chill rushing through her spine upon hearing that statement. She clenched her fists as she felt her heart beating faster.

"Hey, are you gonna fight or not!?" Hallie called.

"Very well!" Mr. Simms screamed. "Prepare to feel the wrath of my eternal flames!"

The snake tongue flicked out betwee his front teeth once again. Suddenly, his body grew three times its normal size, ripping his clothes. Instead of a human body, it revealed a slimy, scaly body. Finally, the wings sprouted from the mortician's back, and a pair of large horns protruded from his head.

The Rebels gasped at the demon form.

"They didn't say anything about this!?" Jade cried.

"No, they didn't," Jeice agreed in a flat tone.

Jenny continued to stare blankly, apparently unaware of the large demon ahead. _The longer you live, the longer you suffer..._

"Hey sis..." Hallie said. "We're waiting for your cue."

"Hmm?" Jenny snapped out of her trance, looking back at the other Rebels. She then faced the large demon, narrowing her eyes as she assumed her basic fighting stance. "Well, Mr. Simms...I would say 'Go to hell,' but it looks like we're already there. Let's go, guys!"

The Rebels squared themselves, preparing for battle.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The Rebels looked ahead, staring at the monstrous form of Mr. Simms. The demon simply roared, moving its head.

"I don't know how you got down here," Jeice growled. "But we'll make sure that you don't come back!"

"Quit taunting him already, Jeice!" Vegeta yelled. "We came here to battle!"

"Well, go ahead, Vegeta," Jenny said. "Battle away."

Vegeta squared himself and charged at the demon with blazing speed. As he closed in, Simms kicked up some fiery ashes into Vegeta's eyes. The Saiyan prince screamed as he flew past the demon, hitting the ground.

Jenny shook her head with a smile. "I just love to watch him get his ass kicked."

"What just happened?" Yamcha asked.

"That demon just kicked some dirt into his eyes," Fulgore said. "That threw Vegeta off balance."

"Leave it to the ape to make a stupid move like that," Pico remarked.

"Now it's our turn," Jenny charged into battle now, and the others followed.

As Jenny drew closer to the demon, she suddenly stopped herself, and the others followed suit. As they stopped, the demon began throwing dirt at them. The Rebels shielded themselves. When the dirt cleared, the Rebels moved in, throwing every attack they knew. The demon didn't even defend itself as it continued to wave its arms and turn its head.

"Is that thing even feeling our attacks?" Arbin asked.

"I don't think so. I think he's just laughing at us," Fulgore said as he threw a crushing roundhouse kick to the demon's face.

"You think so?" Pico asked. "Let's see how hard he's laughing when we take him down." He threw a roundhouse of his own to the demon's face.

Vegeta rejoined the group to face Mr. Simms. "No one makes a fool of Vegeta and lives!"

He picked up a handful of dirt and threw it into Simms' eyes. The demon roared in agony as it swung its arms about blindly. It hit Yamcha and then Pico, sending them flying in opposite directions.

"Argh!" Yamcha screamed as he scrambled to get up from the burning rocks.

"Damn it!" Pico growled as he picked himself up. "That stupid Saiyan can't do anything right, can he?"

"He's distracted!" Jeice said. "Now's our chance!"

At that moment, all of the Rebels tackled the demon to the ground.

From a distance, Canis Lupus hid behind a large boulder, watching the battle. He merely shook his head with an exasperated sigh.

"Too easy..." he told himself as he jotted down some notes in his journal.

Jeice backed off after an assault on the demon, catching his breath as he watched the others pummel it.

"Psst! Jeice!" a voice called from behind.

Jeice turned around and spotted James hiding behind another boulder.

"James?" Jeice went over to him. Jade also noticed, following her brother.

"James...is it really you?" Jade asked.

"Is it true?" Jeice asked. "What Mr. Simms said...are you really dead?"

James fell silent for a moment before responding. "Yes...we are dead. It was Mr. Simms who killed us."

Jade and Jeice gasped.

"We need someone to defeat Mr. Simms," James continued. "It's the only way we can rest in peace. That's why we revealed ourselves to you."

"Don't worry, we'll take him down," Jeice said.

"You'd better finish him quickly," James told him. "You won't be able to survive down here much longer."

Jeice nodded. "Got it. Jade, let's try the Purple Spiral Flash Attack again."

"Okay...do you remember how to do it?" Jade asked.

"Oh yes, I remember now. We have to power up first, and then start spinning."

"Ah, I see. Let's go it."

"Good luck, Rebels." James took a few steps backwards before fading into thin air.

"Did he just...vanish?" Jade asked.

"We can wonder about that later," Jeice told her. "Right now, let's just take out this demon!"

"Right."

The siblings hovered into the air above Mr. Simms, facing each other.

Jenny looked up at them. "Jade? Jeice? What the hell are you doing?"

"Don't tell me they're going to try the Purple Spiral Flash Attack again," Vegeta said.

"And what, pray tell, is this Purple Spiral Flash Attack?" Jenny asked.

"It's a special attack and Jeice and Burter performed with the Ginyu Force. Now Jeice is trying to do it with Jade."

Jade and Jeice concentrated as their power began to radiate from their bodies. Then they began to fly in circles, forming the purple spiral again. Only this time, it was glowing a brilliant purple color.

Jenny backed away from the demon. "Uh...guys...I think we'd better back off."

The others moved away from the demon, who roared in pain, swinging its arms about.

"Let's do it now!" Jeice called.

"Purple Spiral Flash Attack!" both siblings yelled as purple energy bolts darted out from the spiral, pelting the demon at various points. Pieces of slimy flesh flew out from its body at each shot. Eventually, all the attacks struck the demon's chest, punching a gaping hole in it. Afterwards, the demon tipped over, hitting the ground with a loud thud.

Jade and Jeice stopped in the air, then lowered themselves to the ground, facing the dead demon.

"Now you know our true colors," Jade said. "Ah...Jeice?"

"Yes?" Jeice asked.

"Let's never do that again."

"If you say so..."

"So...is that it?" Yamcha asked.

When no one responded, a cool breeze blew through them gently. The hellish world faded around them, returning the group to the inside of the funeral home.

"We're...back on the planet," Fulgore said.

"It sure feels good to be out of there," Yamcha said.

Jenny dropped to the floor in a sitting position. "That wasn't very satisfying at all..."

Jade and Jeice stepped outside the funeral home for some fresh air. Instead, they found the J-Gang members standing a few feet down the road.

"Hey!" Jade and Jeice ran over to greet them.

"Jade, Jeice, thank you," James said. "Thanks to you, we've been released from Mr. Simms' hellish prison."

"Don't mention it," Jeice said.

"Does this mean that you're alive again?" Jade asked.

"No, we're still dead like doornails," Jack said.

"Mr. Simms cremated our bodies," Jody added. "All we can do now is depart to the great beyond."

"We've waited 3000 years for this day," John said.

"Now it's time to say farewell," James said. "May you live rich and fulfilling lives."

A white beam of light cast down, gently lifting the J-Gang members into the sky. Jade and Jeice waved their arms lightly.

"They've departed for the heavens?" Jade asked.

"We may very well follow them soon," Jeice said.

"Who are you waving at?" Jenny asked.

The siblings spun around, blushing.

"Uh...we were just fanning ourselves," Jade said, waving her hand towards herself.

Jeice did the same. "Yeah, we're still feeling the heat from that battle."

Jenny rolled her eyes. "Yeah, a likely story. Let's get back to the ship."


	5. Epilogue

Epilogue

When it was time for bed, Jade and Jeice went into the bathroom to get ready. They had changed into their pajamas; Jeice wore white while Jade wore pink. They stood beside each other in front of the sink, washing themselves off.

"Damn, Mr. Simms was weak, even for a demon," Jeice remarked.

"That must be why he brought us to hell," Jade said. "He was using the terrain to his advantage, hoping that we would die from the heat."

"Even so, I didn't think he would be that easy."

"So if all the generals are this easy, we may even have a chance to restore the universe to peace."

"I doubt it. There are still way too many of them. Besides, I don't even think that restoring the universe is Jenny's main objective."

"Really? Then what is it?" Jade asked.

Jeice looked at her. "Oh, you know." He began to brush his teeth.

Jade scoffed as she began to brush her hair. "This is crazy. It's basically us versus the universe. And if the universe wins, we're all fucked."

Jeice spit out the toothpaste. "Yeah, we're fucked, all right..."

Jade looked at him. "Do you think you can be a little more gross?"

Jeice paused. "Okay..." He spit another shot of toothpaste onto Jade.

Jade flinched. "Argh! I was being sarcastic, you idiot!"

Jeice threw his hands up. "Oh, now you tell me!"

"You..." Jade took a handful of water into her mouth and then spit it on Jeice.

"Hey!" Jeice wiped his face. "That wasn't funny!"

Jade only burst out laughing. Jeice took a handful of water into his mouth to rinse out the toothpaste, then spit it on Jade again.

"Argh!" Jade screamed. "You haven't changed a bit! You're still just like those other Ginyus!"

Jeice sighed now. "I guess I have a ways to go if people think I'm still like the other Ginyus."

"Of course, you're just so goofy. But then again, you were goofy even before you joined the Ginyu Force."

"I guess some things will never change. Not that I'd want to change the way I am..."

"Of course, it's your goofiness that gives those weary Rebels a reason to smile. You and Yamcha...even Fulgore and Hallie, too."

Jeice put his foot down. "Then that settles it. I'm gonna stay goofy."

Jade smiled. "Yes, don't ever lose your goofiness, Jeice. You know, we should tell the Rebels about what we did to Salza. Now _that's_ something to laugh about!"

"Yeah...it is." Jeice agreed, then started to laugh. Jade caught the laugh, then began to laugh herself.

-----------------

_KO-35 – The Aftermath_

_Ah yes, that sounds more appropriate. The Rebels have defeated Mr. Simms of KO-35. However, he turned out to be a real pushover. Even I didn't expect him to be so lame._

_Meanwhile, Jade and Jeice learned firsthand that things are not always what they seem. They learned the hard way when they found out that the J-Gang members were actually dead. Well, I could have told them that, but it was much more fun watching them learn for themselves. Also, Mr. Simms turned out to be a demon, albeit a lame demon._

_I've always been fascinated by the spirits of people who die. Why do they appear before the living? Possible reasons could be to help them, or to ask for help. Or they may wish to avenge their death, or the death of someone they loved. But the reason the J-Gang chose to appear before Jade and Jeice is beyond my understanding._

_After the battle, Jade and Jeice seem to be closer than they were before. Well, they had always been close, but they've had a certain level of distance since Jeice joined the Ginyu Force so long ago. Now they've finally smoothed out their friction. This is the ultimate sibling bond, when you see them teasing each other like that._

_These are the words of Canis Lupus._

**THE END**


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